Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With S

We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter S. The focus here is on sanctimonious, sarcastic, and shallow.

S is for sanctimonious. Tim or not, the onus is on you not to be sanctimonious. Don't be so full of yourself that others simply wait for a break in the conversation so they can heave. You may eventually be given the old heave-ho. Yes, we know that you think you're great but don't go around pretending that you are an object of adoration, an object of veneration. Nobody's going to start a cult around you. So lighten up and be one of the gang. You are allowed to think that you are somewhat better than the others. But don't be surprised that they think the same thing; namely that they are somewhat better than you. Doesn't that sound sanctimonious?

S is for sarcastic. There is a big problem with sarcasm. People may not understand your hidden irony and take you at face value. They may thank you for your "You did a great job," ignoring the sneer on your lips. And what if their response was: "Well, I had a fine teacher in you."? Is that a sneer that I detect on their lips? If you are going to criticize, and sometimes you should, do it in a clear, unemotional manner. And let people know that you are criticizing their actions, and not them. Let them also know that you are confident that they will improve. And be ready for a sarcastic comeback.

S is for shallow. You don't have to be as deep as the Atlantic Ocean or a graduate-level Philosophy of Science course. But don't be as shallow as a puddle after a few minutes drizzle. If a friend just came back from his or her first trip to Europe you should manage to ask a more incisive question than how many days were you there or how was the hotel. If I know someone who has just lost an aunt instead of asking "How old was she," I prefer asking "Were you close?" To my way of thinking this may provide for a more interesting discussion. And it avoids the terribly shallow sentiment, "Ninety-three" That's old enough.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.